So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
