how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
