Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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