batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
