We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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