Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
