I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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