New invention idea: vibrating tampons
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
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