So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
