Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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