i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
