Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
