i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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