so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Randomize
