allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
