he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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