I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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