Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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