dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
my liver is dry heaving
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
