i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
