I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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