just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Randomize
