I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
