You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
