I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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