i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I have already put on my inside pants.
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