Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
