Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
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