So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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