I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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