we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
