Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
babies were throwing up all over the place
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
