just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
