I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
My vagina is very pro this idea
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
