well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
