your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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