Just cropdusted the office
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
