Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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