Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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