So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I want her autograph on my taint
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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