I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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