i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
