worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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