I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
