Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
