Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
