I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
