i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
