he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
