I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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