she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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