can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
