I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Randomize
