Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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