I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
