Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
